What do I say to someone who has suffered a stillbirth?
How do I help my wife after a stillbirth?
How do I help a family member who has suffered stillbirth?
You're facing your own grief, as a family member has died - your grandchild or nephew or niece or cousin. This is a difficult time for your family as they grieve the loss of a child in a culture that has difficulty expressing grief in general - especially for someone that no one knew but the mother. It feels awkward to you. But your daughter or sister and her husband/partner are in pain and need your help.
Offer special help for them:
- Listen - they have a story to tell, feelings to share or maybe just want to talk.
- Find help - send them the link to this site or find a local counselor for them.
- Be a silent supporter - be there even when you don't know what to say or do.
- Help to handle the most sensitive matters, like transporting the baby's body to the funeral home if needed.
- Handle the funeral arrangements - is there a funeral home near by or with which your family has a relationship?
- Help them put together a service in the manner of their faith.
- Cooking meals or do some housekeeping - maybe they need help with laundry or need errands run?
- Take care of their living children - babysit or take them/pick them up from school?
- Contact their friends for them - make calls, write notes, e-mail to let people know what has happened.
- Return or donate the baby items they have acquired.
Help them validate the existence of their sweet baby:
- Contribute to a memorial service.
- Make a donation in the baby's name to a charity.
- Remember the baby's delivery date in years to come with a card or donation in his/her name.
- Create something special for them - like a memory box for their baby's items.
- Do something special - plant a tree or a garden in the baby's honor.
How do I help a friend who has suffered a stillbirth?
A friend is much like family and many times replaces family for some people. You'll experience your own grief, for your friend has lost a precious child that you all expected to know and love. This is a difficult time and it will feel awkward to you. But your friend and her husband/partner are in pain and need your help.
Offer special help for them:
- Listen - they have a story to tell, feelings to share or maybe just want to talk.
- Find help - send them the link to this site or find a local counselor for them.
- Be a silent supporter - be there even when you don't know what to say or do.
- Pamper her.
- Help them put together a service in the manner of their faith.
- Cook meals or do some housekeeping - maybe they need help with laundry or need errands run?
- Take care of their living children - baby-sit or take them/pick them up from school?
- Contact their friends for them - make calls, write notes, e-mail to let people know what has happened.
- Return or donate the baby items they have acquired.
Help them validate the existence of their sweet baby:
- Contribute to a memorial service.
- Make a donation in the baby's name to a charity.
- Remember the baby's delivery date in years to come with a card or donation in his/her name.
- Create something special for them - like a memory box for their baby's items.
- Do something special - plant a tree or a garden in the baby's honor.
How do I help an employee who has suffered a stillbirth?
You're facing your own grief as a member of your work family has suffered a great loss. The death of a child is particularly difficult in a culture that has trouble expressing grief in general - especially for someone that no one knew but the mother. It feels awkward to you. Your employees will not know how to act.
First, contact your Human Resources department or company's health insurance and find out what are their rules are on maternity leave and pregnancy losses. Most companies allow for at least a two-week "leave" to physically heal from labor and delivery. Many companies offer more.
Then:
- Tell her how sorry you are for her loss. Offer condolences like any death situation.
- Ask her how she would like to handle this at work. Does she want to tell people or have you tell them? Does she want to be able to talk about it or not reference it and move on?
- Give her lots of "room". She may feel some uncontrollable emotions - let her feel free to excuse herself if needed. She may want to take some days off - allow her to do so within your company regulations - or even make exceptions if possible.
- Ask employees to show respect and kindness. If they don't know what to say, don't say anything, but don't ignore her. Let her feel the warmth of your community.
- And send everyone to this site so that they can learn more.
Where can a health care worker go for information?
http://www.wisc.edu/wissp/webpage7.htm